When a man fails the love of a woman

When a man fails the love of a woman it will almost certainly be a moment he must live up to his resolution, or lack of it. "I am pregnant; what are you going to do?" Is one of those questions you want earth to open, take back whatever joy and fun you have ever share with her and rewind life to the point before you even met her.

You think: "I am only finishing college; I would have to dropout, start working and forget about my future". She sobs, the rain insists on falling and you yearn for something brave to say. But you keep your silence, and she sobs.

You know what you should do; you have been pontifical about it, beer-in-hand during a commercial brake on the super bowl, but you keep your silence, and she sobs.

She is broken, her fear is true; you are not the man she loved, you are something silent, indifferent, unmoved. She stands up and voices, barely audible: "I will have my baby on my own" and starts walking. She has her heart glued to her back where any second you will embrace her and tell her you love her and regardless what the future may bring, you will accompany her in the life to be lived.

For a brief moment you raise your head and you know what to do..., but you don't move; you are glued to the bench.

But it is just a moment, then a feeling of freedom overwhelms you and you start walking in another direction. "I dodged this one" is rushing through your brain while guilt grips your heart and you know that you are not what you thought you were.

It rains, and you keep on walking.

January 2007.